baby shower dilemma

So, my 18 year old cousin (hell, maybe she’s 19 by now I can’t keep track of all of them) emailed me the other day to get my address.  She was requesting it as she is planning her baby shower.  I gave it to her and fully expect to receive one in the mail any day now.  I called my mom after receiving said email and told her I wasn’t sure I could go, her response “well why not?  You need to go, she’s family.” Grumble freaking grumble.  Should I put on my big girl panties and deal?  Should I send a card and a gift with my mother knowing that I’m going to have to deal with a speech?  It’s very frustrating – there is a part of me that is happy for her but on the same token there is a part that just wants to scream then cry.  The last baby shower I went to was about two years ago, I left early and bawled the entire way home – and that was for someone who had been trying for years to have a baby and who I was genuinely happy about.  In my mother’s world I’m being selfish, in my world I’m being honest.  This is how I feel – I can’t magically change it.  How do you guys deal with shower invites?  Do you show up and deal?  Does it not bother you?  Do you skip out on them?  If you skip out on them any magical excuse you can give me?  Since I stay home (and my family knows that) I can’t use the magical “oh I have to work” excuse.  Is there something I could say to my mother to have her “get it” – for the most part she has been incredibly supportive and understanding about our infertility issues – but the things that  she has never been able to understand is why I hate to attend events like this or how I can’t be around other peoples kids at the moment.  ugh.