Feeling like major crapola today – had heavy duty dental work done yesterday and my period started as well. Major lesson about dental work – don’t go 5+ years without going to a dentist as it will cost you big time (in money and in pain) when you do finally go. Although it’s not like I didn’t go because I didn’t want to go, I simply wasn’t able to afford to go – as there was a time before the husband where I lived paycheck to paycheck and then some so it would come down to “pay rent vs. go to the doctor/dentist” and at that time rent would always win out. Soooooo thankful I have finally reached a point in my life where living comfortably is an actual possibility, granted all the RE bills are still the gigantic financial rain cloud hanging over our heads, but at least we can do something vs. nothing.
Also, on the “woe is me” front my period started yesterday with a bang, I haven’t had a period since my last failed IUI cycle months ago so this one is sucking big-time. The pain is something completely different and something I haven’t had with any other period, it’s almost like a squeezing feeling instead of the normal crampy feeling and I don’t really know what to make of it.
I know that I was stupid enough to think these past few weeks that there was a chance in hell I was pregnant and now I don’t know what to think as ever since I had my hysteroscopy I haven’t had a period that wasn’t medically induced so I don’t really know what this is. A miscarriage? Vindication from mother nature for daring to think that I might actually get lucky and get pregnant naturally? Or just my body trying to flush out whatever? I have no idea, all I know is that it seriously hurts in more ways than one and as of now I just want to curl up in bed and sleep.
I’m supposed to go to Temple tonight as this weekend is Shavuot, I’ve been going regularly for the last couple weeks (I just started my conversion process) and I feel like a failure if I don’t go tonight but I seriously don’t feel like going anywhere and would like to think G-d and my rabbi would understand. Perhaps I will email her (my rabbi not G-d :P) and try to explain, hopefully that will be good enough.