So this summer the husband and I will be going to California for a few weeks (woot woot). It’s supposed to be a time for us to relax, visit his family, celebrate his grandmothers 90th (I think) birthday; and also time for us to mentally prepare for heading down IVF highway.
In so many ways I’m looking forward to this trip and yet in others I’m not – I am still dealing with the fact that had I not miscarried earlier this year I would be all kinds of pregnant on this trip. I also know that while his mother and his youngest brother knows about our infertility the rest of his family doesn’t – so I can only imagine at least one person will be asking the dreaded question “So, when are you guys gonna have kids?”. I’ve actually practiced this scenario in front of a mirror (yes, I’m a gigantic weirdo – tell me something I don’t already know). I’m not a public crier, I never have been and I don’t want to start now – I don’t want to be the one responsible for dragging down an entire family vacation. How are other people out there dealing with scenarios similar to this one?
I’m still having the “I gotta pee all the time” issue and of course I’m watching out for any other “magical pregnancy signs”. I’ll be sitting on the couch and feel a twinge in my boob and think “this is so it – I’m having breast pains!!!”, but then it goes away as quickly as it came on so the truth of the situation probably has more to do with my gigantic knockers hurting periodically simply due to being gigantic knockers. 😦 The crappiest part of this situation – I should be taking metformin, I should be taking it like it’s magical candy – and yet I’m not, #1 it completely wrecks my stomach and #2 I think to myself “what if you’re pregnant, it could hurt the baby”…yes, I understand that I am completely delusional at this point – I’m trying to work this out in my head and get back on my magical candy medicine train.
I don’t need anyone else to sabotage my progress as apparently I am awesome at doing that all on my lonesome.
Bottom line is I need to break down and just buy a damn pregnancy test so I can see the negative and move the hell on with doing what I’m supposed to be doing instead of living in nevergonnahappensville.