So, my 18 year old cousin (hell, maybe she’s 19 by now I can’t keep track of all of them) emailed me the other day to get my address. She was requesting it as she is planning her baby shower. I gave it to her and fully expect to receive one in the mail any day now. I called my mom after receiving said email and told her I wasn’t sure I could go, her response “well why not? You need to go, she’s family.” Grumble freaking grumble. Should I put on my big girl panties and deal? Should I send a card and a gift with my mother knowing that I’m going to have to deal with a speech? It’s very frustrating – there is a part of me that is happy for her but on the same token there is a part that just wants to scream then cry. The last baby shower I went to was about two years ago, I left early and bawled the entire way home – and that was for someone who had been trying for years to have a baby and who I was genuinely happy about. In my mother’s world I’m being selfish, in my world I’m being honest. This is how I feel – I can’t magically change it. How do you guys deal with shower invites? Do you show up and deal? Does it not bother you? Do you skip out on them? If you skip out on them any magical excuse you can give me? Since I stay home (and my family knows that) I can’t use the magical “oh I have to work” excuse. Is there something I could say to my mother to have her “get it” – for the most part she has been incredibly supportive and understanding about our infertility issues – but the things that she has never been able to understand is why I hate to attend events like this or how I can’t be around other peoples kids at the moment. ugh.
So, the hubs talked to his mom a bit more yesterday. I’d like to say that everything is magically okay and fixed now but that is not the case. She did say she never meant to imply that we wouldn’t be able to pay her back (if she lent us the 50k). She asked us to give her 6 weeks to get this new loan straightened out as she thinks it will really work this time because her finance guy laid everything out for the bank (why in the crap didn’t he do that in first place with the first two loans?). We begrudgingly agreed to do so. I’ve waited three years for all this crap to be worked out, I will give her six more weeks, however we did try to stress that we don’t want to just keep hitting our heads against the wall if this loan falls through. I understand that she wants to keep the peace between my husband and his brother, but at some point when all the other options are done we are going to have to do what is best for the possibility of our future family.
I’m not a coddler so watching his younger brother get coddled and handled with kid gloves through this whole ordeal makes me want to scream.
We leave for our vacation next week and both the hubs and I are very much looking forward to it at this point. We are going to try to clear our minds of all the crap that has been going on and just enjoy the trip. We have a lot of fun activities planned and since we are road tripping there are numerous places we are stopping at (Las Vegas, Park City, San Francisco, Yosemite). It’s approximately a 30 hr drive there and then another 30hr drive back (that’s just drive time – not including stopping), so organizing everything and packing has been a bit of a headache. Especially considering how ridiculously organized I like being about everything. We did encounter some frustration with making plans for stuff to do with his family while we are in Cali with them. The hubs and I are the only “planners” in the bunch every one else figures out what they are doing pretty much the day they are doing it. So as it stands they may attend the activities we have planned or they may not – I tried to solicit ideas from others about things we could all do as a family but got pretty much no assistance. Not because they don’t want to do things but because they don’t plan things. We are going to be gone for two weeks, my parents have kindly agreed to stay at our house while we are gone as we didn’t want to try to board our dogs – they would flip out. Two week vacation but only one of those weeks will actually be in Cali with the in-laws the rest is time with just the hubs and I and if anyone deserves a vacation it is that man. He has been working an insane amount of overtime every week and his job is incredibly physical so he’s been pretty tired on his days off.
Not much else has been going on besides trying to get a bunch of stuff done prior to leaving. I’m debating writing a few posts to be published intermittently while we are gone for two weeks (assuming I can figure out how). I have a few posts that I have already written that I’ve been waiting for the right time to share so perhaps I’ll unearth a few of those, either way I’ll try not to just abandon my blog for two weeks – I always worry if I do that I’ll never come back to it or people will think I’ve abandoned it. Also, I’m going to attempt to do a lot of commenting for July’s IComLeavWe this weekend, we’ll see how far I get though – but I’ve found so many new and amazing blogs through it that I hate to not at least attempt to go down the list!