Just wanted to give a quick update I had my retrieval on Friday the doctor somehow was able to access my right ovary so he was able to get 15 eggs in total. I have pretty much been miserable since Friday everything I’ve read online says most people are fine the day after their retrieval I am not I can barely walk, I can’t go to bathroom, and to top it all off I’m getting a yeast infection from the antibiotics that they gave me prior to the retrieval.
Got the phone call from the embryologist this morning out of the 15 eggs that they got only seven fertilized it was not the number that we were hoping for at all, especially since they’re going to have to make it to 5-day blastocysts and then survive being frozen and thawed.
I’m really trying to think positive and I’ve looked online trying to find other people that have had low numbers of fertilized eggs and they’ve made it to the fifth day and then resulted in a positive pregnancy test but it’s really really hard. I think even my husband who is usually so positive is having a really hard time dealing with our odds. He asked me earlier if maybe that this should be it for us, that we try this and then once we’re done with these than we are done. But I just don’t know, part if me screams to try until we have nothing left- no money, no hope, no anything. When I want to give up I think back to my first IUI and how happy we were when we got the BFP, and although it was short lived I see the look on my husbands face that was pure joy- that look keeps me going. Every time I had to inject something into my stomach or cry during an ultrasound because they had to work so hard to find my ovaries I think if that look and I bite my lip and I keep going.
No matter what.
Feeling like major crapola today – had heavy duty dental work done yesterday and my period started as well. Major lesson about dental work – don’t go 5+ years without going to a dentist as it will cost you big time (in money and in pain) when you do finally go. Although it’s not like I didn’t go because I didn’t want to go, I simply wasn’t able to afford to go – as there was a time before the husband where I lived paycheck to paycheck and then some so it would come down to “pay rent vs. go to the doctor/dentist” and at that time rent would always win out. Soooooo thankful I have finally reached a point in my life where living comfortably is an actual possibility, granted all the RE bills are still the gigantic financial rain cloud hanging over our heads, but at least we can do something vs. nothing.
Also, on the “woe is me” front my period started yesterday with a bang, I haven’t had a period since my last failed IUI cycle months ago so this one is sucking big-time. The pain is something completely different and something I haven’t had with any other period, it’s almost like a squeezing feeling instead of the normal crampy feeling and I don’t really know what to make of it.
I know that I was stupid enough to think these past few weeks that there was a chance in hell I was pregnant and now I don’t know what to think as ever since I had my hysteroscopy I haven’t had a period that wasn’t medically induced so I don’t really know what this is. A miscarriage? Vindication from mother nature for daring to think that I might actually get lucky and get pregnant naturally? Or just my body trying to flush out whatever? I have no idea, all I know is that it seriously hurts in more ways than one and as of now I just want to curl up in bed and sleep.
I’m supposed to go to Temple tonight as this weekend is Shavuot, I’ve been going regularly for the last couple weeks (I just started my conversion process) and I feel like a failure if I don’t go tonight but I seriously don’t feel like going anywhere and would like to think G-d and my rabbi would understand. Perhaps I will email her (my rabbi not G-d :P) and try to explain, hopefully that will be good enough.