So this past week I had a big long talk with my husband regarding my weight. I’m getting so sick and tired of trying and trying to lose weight and nothing really happening (the PCOS isn’t doing me any favors in that regard either). I’ve been pretty familiar with the concept of weight-loss surgery for awhile and the different options that are available. Earlier this week I decided to do some more research and see what is available in my area – turns out there is a facility in my town that performs both Gastric Bypass surgery and Lap-Band surgery. After spending a few days looking over various material I could find online I feel that Lap-Band would be a good choice for me. I am supposed to go to a seminar next month for those people who are interested in starting the process. It’s not an overnight solution; not only does the process not magically make you skinny it can be awhile before you even have the procedure as you have to undergo some medical testing, a sleep study type thing and some psychological counseling. The husband agreed that if I wanted to have this done we would increase the amount we take our heloc out for this year to cover anything that our insurance doesn’t cover.
Then came the big talk – IVF vs. lap-band, it’s not an either-or situation it’s a “which one first” situation. We agreed that we want to try IVF first as neither of us want to go one more year without being parents if we don’t have to. I have worried that my weight is the major hindrance to our fertility, that if I could lose weight I would magically be fertile (yes, I know that skinny people are infertile to – but this is just the way that my mind works when I try to make sense of it all). I once asked our RE about it and he told me point blank “overweight people give birth every day, if being overweight caused people to be infertile that wouldn’t be the case” he then went on to tell us that time was a bigger factor (as in old eggs). So the hubs and I decided we don’t want to wait, we haven’t wanted to wait the 3 years we have already been forced to wait. We want to be parents more than anything else in the world.
Hopefully, we will get very very lucky/blessed with our fertility treatments, since we are opting for the 2 fresh/2 frozen package deal we are praying one of those stick. If it does then after the baby is born I will have the lap-band surgery done to better my health as I want to live long enough to see our child grow up. If for whatever reason our IVF treatments don’t work then I don’t even know what I will want to do at that point. There is a part of me that can’t allow myself to see that type of outcome – so for now I try to plan for good outcomes.
I wish that I knew, I wish I knew for sure what caused me to be unable to get and stay pregnant. Is it the PCOS? Is it the weight? Is it some small part of my DNA that I’m just not aware of as of yet? My husband has super sperm (as the lab techs like to point out every time the hubs gives a sample – thanks lab tech *grumble grumble*) so maybe his super sperm just doesn’t want to deal with my broken eggs. I don’t know, I wish I did. I can only hope and pray that a year from now I’ll be fat and pregnant instead of just fat, and hopefully two years from now my family will be complete and I’ll be on my way to being a much healthier version of me.